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May 30, 2008

My heart belongs to you only....forever.

Current mood:restless

Stop and remember this for a moment: This comes from my heart, so please do not think wrongly of it. I know you are not into this sort of thing, but I really want you to read this.

Anyway.....

I could never ever put into words how much I love you, but I will do my best...

I want you to know something that I've been meaning to tell you for the longest time...but I have been afraid to. I have always been in love with you. I never stopped. Even when I was with James, I loved you dearly. I had been hiding it for so long.

Why?

I let one small kiss happen between James and me. I loved you, and I betrayed you. From that moment on, I did not want to be with you.....I broke the trust and love that we had built during those wonderful years we were together. I allowed myself to be influenced by others and went for a change in scenary. I had thought our love was dying out...like we were losing our spark. I wanted change, and boy did I get it. I realized from the very start of being with him that he was not you....however, after hurting you so much...I felt as though I should stay with James as a punishment to myself. As time went by, I just gave up. I allowed myself to "fall in love" with him. As I look back now, I was never in love with him. All those tears that I shed "for him" were hidden tears for you. During those hurtful times, I wanted to get back with you so much....but knew I could never deserve you. So I just went on and on...furthering into the future with a man I did not truly love and who did not truly love me. You were still my best friend during those times. You were always there when James was an ass...yes, I was partly crying because of him...but you were there and I was still in love with you...so I cried even more because of that reason. You still loved me, as I loved you. I was so ashamed of myself that I did that to you....so I continued on....and then finally, we got back together again...not officially, but we were together. I had finally allowed myself to be with you. I had realized that I was not only keeping myself from true love, but I was keeping you from it. You had done nothing wrong. You still loved me and wanted to be with me even after what I did....You are unsure now, but we have always been meant for eachother. Right from the start....I created a hurricane, but we were able to get through it...and here we are now.

That is my biggest secret that I have kept from you and everyone else. One secret that I finally revealed to you...

During this present time, we are together. You may not want to be with me in the future, but I know I will never stop loving you. I have loved you for all these years. I will do anything to keep us together. What ever problems we have, we can fix. I will do anything for you Sean.We just have to talk to eachother. I don't want anymore fighting. Yes, fighting is a normal couple thing...it's ok, but I don't want it to go too far. To prevent this, we need communicate. I know we have both changed from the past. But you know, that is part of growing up. I was 15 when we got together you know. If there was a part of me that you miss that is not in me anymore, you need to tell me. Maybe I can bring that part of me back. I am willing to do anything in my power to keep you by my side. I know we can make it if we try. I know we can make it to the day that we say I do and begin our lives together as husband, and wife. My heart is ready for that journey, but is yours? I will wait as long as it takes.

I just want you to know....

My heart belongs to you only....

Forever.

2:38 PM

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Apr 17, 2006

What an exciting weekend!

Current mood:giddy

Just to warn everyone out there, this blog is going to be long. Why is that? Only because I was at Sean’s this weekend and I haven’t been able to get on here...So yes, I’m going to squeeze everything in. Ok, let’s begin!
All right, time for a very unorganized and sentence-packed "paragraph". So of course Friday was prom night! As everyone knows, the girl takes a heck of a lot longer to get ready than the guy. So, we started working on everything at 11 AM. Oh, and I was planning on sleeping in just a little bit that morning, but people kept on calling....which meant that I was up at 8:15 AM. Anyway, Sean’s mom brought him to my house and I wasn’t ready! I ran into my mom’s room to get ready...of course, they came in there and I hid in the closet. Now that I think about this, it was quite stupid. I finally got my dress on and everything and my mom dragged me out in the living room. I was really shy. Everyone in the world and their moms were staring at me. lol After everyone was done taking pictures and crap, we finally got to eat at Papa John’s! I loooooooooove their pizza! MMMMM! There was this guy that kept staring at us there and it was super creepy! AHHHH! *ahem* Ok, so we went to go pick up Mark and yada yada yaaa. Let’s get to Prom....Prom was so much fun! The background for prom pictures was so much prettier than the one they used at Sean’s prom. Their music was a lot better too. Sean and me danced to all of the slow songs, except for like one. Of course, Sean didn’t want to dance to anything but slow songs too. I was SLIGHTLY disappointed, but it really didn’t bother me. What I thought was cute was that he followed me around like a cute little puppy. I’m glad that Steven Justice didn’t follow us around. However, I felt really bad that he wasn’t with anyone there. Sean told me that he would let me dance with him and I told him I wasn’t going to do that. Sean is the only guy that I will dance with! Well, Bradley did dance with me, but it wasn’t anything bad...I just figured it wouldn’t be right, because Steven likes me a lot. I thought the chocolate and white chocolate fountain thingys were neat though. I didn’t dip anything it them, but it was cool looking.....WHY DIDN’T I GET SEAN TO TAKE A PICTURE OF IT??? Oh well...*ahem* Oh and Bradley grabbed me, and started dancing all freaky and I was like "I don’t know how!". It was so funny/sad. So yeah, it was really great. Sean and I had a blast! I ended up falling asleep on Sean in the car on the way to his house...I was wore out! :p But yeah, I was like half asleep when I walked into the dang house. I think I woke up more when the back door slammed itself on my dress. Sean said that my eyes got really big. I was concerned about my dress OK? Geez. But yeah, Sean and me ended up staying up kinda late...No, we didn’t do it. I was on my period for crying out loud! Nasty peoples! Ha ha...
Why was I able to spend the night at Sean’s house? My sister was spending the night with his sister and their Easter thing was the next day. That is why! It was a rare thing...but I’m glad that I was able to.
Ok, let’s evaluate Sean! Muahahaha! *ahem* I give him an A++++++++++++++++++++++!!!!!!!! Sean looked really good in his tux! It was jawdropping.  He was also soooo sweet to me. He danced with me even though he was hurting and didn’t want to. Man, I don’t know what to say about how he was! It was like I was falling in love all over again! When I was dancing with him, it was like I wasn’t even there. I don’t even know how I was dancing. It was so magical. Yes, it sounds mushy, but it’s true! Good job Sean!
Nothing much really happened on Saturday. We just hung out a lot. Sure, we got to see his family. Sure, Sean’s mom went around showing off my dress. Sure, my stomach was killing me and I was tired the entire day. But nothing much happened. I did feel bad about Sean staying in there with me instead of being outside with his family. He was doing the sweet thing by staying in there....but I wanted him to go out there and spend time with them! He did eventually, but it wasn’t even that long!  My mom called there at 6:30 PM and told me she was on the way. I was holding it back, but I ended up sheading a few tears. I didn’t want to leave Sean yet. But good news! I was able to spend another night there! YIPEE!
Nothing much to say about today. I played some games with Sean, Amanda, and Amber....that’s it basically. I must say it felt good when I took a shower after I got home!! I took a shower at Sean’s yesterday, but I didn’t want to when I was there....but yeah, that’s it!
Oh and I did NOT sleep by Sean. I would’ve been the happiest person in the universe if I was able to....Sadly, I had to sleep in the spare bedroom. I know I should’ve said this early, but I’m too lazy to scroll up.
But yes, I loved this weekend very much! I would love doing it over again! Random thing: 6 WEEKS UNTIL GRADUATION! YAY!!!!
12:40 AM

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  DELETING PAGE hey i was browsing through blogs on the internet built into the Prada phone i got for FREE from this site I agree with what u say in your blog and hey this free prada phone site is still giving out prada phones!

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  4 years ago

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  "LiiF3 I$ 2 $HorT 2 Wa$… hey i was browsing through blogs and just ran into yours, and you know what, i was thinking the same thing as you, thanks for writing it, but yeah i NEED to let you know that you can get mp3 quality ring-tones featuring all the top artists sent instantly to your phone, youll love it, go here and enjoy PS, let me know what ones you picked K?
  
  
  

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  4 years ago

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  matt i wish i could've been there. You both share an amazing beautiful love. I need to take some notes from sean lol. I'm glad you two had a great time, and i hope you have pictures. 

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  5 years ago

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  Apr 7, 2006

  Alien abduction ruined my Sims' lives

  Current mood:dorky

  Yeah, it's a little silly to write about it but, oh well. lol
  Ok, so here is the story: My Sims have graduated from college and have been waiting to get married but work has been keeping them busy. After Sim Sean and Sim Pamela got a new home, I decided to get them through some promotions. Of course, Sims' jobs require certain skills and Sim Sean needed another logic point. Well, I had him stargazing for the first time, and he got abducted! Yes, the very first time he does it!  What's worse is that he got pregnant with TWIN alien babies. So, I had to hurry up and get my Sims married before Sim Sean's stomach got too big. It was quite strange to see Sim Pamela walking around and playing with Sim Sean's big belly....These little bundle of devils have now caused my Sims' needs to go down, and they're miserable. I'm seriously thinking about getting the social worker to get them taken away, because they're driving my Sims crazy! *ahem*
  But yeah, that's basically it. Once again, it is a silly thing to write about in a blog...but I'm a little bored and I feel a bit dorky. :p
  

  3:07 AM

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      Chris ha ha stupid sim sean. should have gotten a mexican abortion.

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      5 years ago

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  • Apr 6, 2006

    Having friends of the opposite sex means I'm a slut?

    Current mood:aggravated

    I just got informed by my mother that I should not have friends of the opposite sex because I have a boyfriend. How strange and cloudy is her logic. Just because I have guy friends other than Sean, DOES NOT mean that I am going to cheat on him! Why the hell would I do such a thing?? I mean, I love Sean! I'm not stupid enough to do that! It doesn't matter what she says, I'm still going to continue talking to my guy friends no matter what she says. It just aggravates me to know that my mom thinks this! ARGH!!!!!!!

    4:25 AM

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        Chris ha you think you won't cheat on him until I impress you enough.

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        5 years ago

  
  

FINALLY Engaged!

So this weekend I finally got my ring. Sean had ordered it at Leroy's on Valentine's Day, but it takes a couple weeks to get resized I guess. He kept asking me over and over after we picked it up if I wanted it right then and there. I really didn't want attention from strangers, so I decided to wait until we grabbed some lunch. We ended up going to Rally's to eat and after we were done, he just sort of gave it to me. I wasn't worried about romance or him going on one knee or anything. He's not a romantic person so expecting him to be that way for something this big is silly. So yeah, I ended up calling most of my family to tell them the news. When I called my Grandma, I said "I have some good news". She said "I bet I know what it is". I said "No, I'm not pregnant". She said "Oh". lol. Anyways, I told her to get my papaw and I heard her yelling at him "Pammy's got some good news". There was silence....then I heard her say "No, she's not pregnant". Why does my family automatically skip marriage and go straight to pregnancy? They are silly.....

We have not yet set a date, but we're thinking April or May. I guess we'll determine it after we go to some churches and find the one that would be good for us. Wish us luck! :)

If this post is unorganized, I apologize. I am dead tired today.

Mom's 42nd birthday

Ok, now I am mad because I had most of this post done and stupid Opera on my iphone messed it up! I said bye bye to that app. I am so tired of it not keeping windows open!!! Grr argh!

Anyways, the eve of my mom's birthday, my sister wanted to surprise my mom with a pretty $50 cake and balloons. So I met up with her and we TRIED to sneak into her driveway. Of course she was a turd and was in the living room so she was able to peek and saw us coming down her driveway. We were hoping that if we turned off the headlights, then she wouldn't have seen us. Oh well. She was still surprised to see us considering earlier that day Amanda told her she was sick. She wanted my mom to think she wasn't coming. I had actually went over there earlier that day to eat my mom's yummy chili dinner. Anyways, check out the video that I recorded of her reaction to the cake. She wasn't surprised at my gift which I didn't bother recording since she knew she was getting (bluetooth headset for her phone). She was surprised so we met our goal thankfully. I had to go home to sleep for work and Amanda stayed there and spent the night.

After getting off work the next day at 5:30, I rushed back to Shelbyville to meet her, my sister, brother and stepdad at Hardee's to eat dibner. After that us girls went to bingo. It was Amanda's first time at bingo. They carded us, because we looked young I guess. I just know we look at least 18....I am 22 for goodness sake! Well, we got there early enough to get our favorite spot in the first non-smoking room by the food stand. None of us won anything, but we still had lots of fun. We picked on each other. My mom likes to point out a lot that I look more like my dad instead of her. She thinks it is funny. I mostly picked on my sister, because she is easy to pick on. I love how they gave a shout out to my mom for her birthday. When they said her name, we "woo hooed" and pointed at her. I am still not sure if we embarrassed her or not. I just think she deserves attention, that's all. But yeah, afterwards we ran to the parking lot in the pouring rain and wind. My mom was telling me to hurry up and get to my car, but I always make sure to hug or kiss my loved one since you never know when you will see them again. It was a fun night.

This is one of the memories I had to tell because I want to remember it later. I know there were other memories that I have forgotten to record on here.....but my memory sucks and stuff. I will try to remember to record more later!

Happy birthday to my beautiful and wonderful mom! Love you always!!!!

Unorganized Post

Now where to begin? It seems like I haven't made a post on here in quite a while....how long has it been? 5 or 6 months? That sounds about right. Honestly, it is very natural for someone as forgetful as me to forget about my blog! I can't even finish this post simce I keep getting interrupted due to the Words With Friends app pn my iphone that I am addicted to...oh wellz!

Anyways, I have been feeling like crap today. Not just physically, but mentally as well. I woke up with my stomach hurting so bad, I thought I was close to throwing up! Of course I didn't, but still! I made myself go to work instead of calling in. I figured stopping by Thornton's gas station and getting a 44oz Sprite for .94 including tax would help out my belly. I was right. It is so amazing what a drink like that will do to an upset stomach. By golly, I had the whole thing drank by 12 something! That was the physical part....mentally, I was worried about finances and also super grumpy from the lack of sleep! After my bills go through, I will only have about $3-5 in my name and I just got paid on Thursday!! Sean is having it rough as well, because he called in a couple of times due to the weather. I am sure we will manage somehow though. Something that was also mentally draining for me was the fact that people were talking loudly all day. I was having a hard time working with all that noise! I had my headphones on, but they hurt my ears after a while!! Ugh!!

Anydangways, we have a newish cat named Luna. I found her listed on Craigslist when she was about 4 months opd. That was about 4 months or so ago. See? I told you it has been a while! Luna is a cutie and is doing what I wanted her to do, which is keeping Bubbles company, and helping him exercise. I find them chasing each other and cuddling with each other all the time. They are so cute together. She gets on my nerves sometimes though. She does everything kittens do. Gets into everything, tears up furniture, plays with anything that moves and sometimes things that don't (toilet paper and q-tips are her favorite), and even attacks our feet when we are in bed! She makes up for it though. She has somehow taught herself to play fetch with a messed up pink ball that used to be Bubbles'. Sean got it on video. You should definitely see it on Facebook! Too cute! :3

Well, I guess I am going to wind down now. Luna just hopped on the bed and is purring all cute and stuff. Guess she is trying to tell me it is bed time! Nighty night!